Just got out of a great band practice with the band I play bass with. Playing someone else's music for a change is great. It does remind me of the many ideas floating around in my head though.

Goal #1: get myself a show.

Fortunately having children has wiped away any delusions of grandeur. I am what I am. I want no fame, just a willing audience that can be transported to the same magical place I go to when I play. If I go will you follow me? Without judgement?

I keep sitting down to write something here, trying to resurrect this blog, but nothing comes. I am trying to move away from the 'this is a poor excuse for therapy' vibe and actually write about SONG WRITING.

Unfortunately I have had next to no time for my own music lately. I have committed to 3 other bands/artists, 2 of which practice once a week. In addition to the lack of time, the time I do spend working on music is like pulling teeth. My children climb on my back and cry at my feet. Why?? Their Papa can sit on the computer for 2 hours with a few minor interruptions here and there, but not me. Any moment devoted to something other than them is simply not allowed. That is, any of MY moments.

Then comes the guilt. I feel guilty. I must be neglecting my children if they feel so desperate for my attention. Then I flip back and think, am I no one? Do I count for nothing? Why should I feel guilt when any working parent (particularly fathers) is gone from the house 40 hours a week? This is what I DO. To me, this is my 'career'. Why isn't it valued? Why do I have to fight for 30 minutes of music?

Again I've failed at writing about songwriting, but I have nothing new to say. I can't even finish this blog as a baby is screaming and pulling on my clothes.

I am terrified of losing my anonymity. I like hiding in this place where I am free from judgement. How do I reconcile my desire to perform with my inability to be in front of the lense. I resort to awkwardness and out of place jokes. I'm sorry, I'm actually very passionate and serious about my art, but (from past experience) I am afraid to let that show.

Can't I just hide behind the sound?