Here I am blogging about songwriting instead of actually writing songs.

I'm starting a blog. I have so many unspoken thoughts and feelings regarding what I think of as art, my art. I never talk with anyone about these things. I always feel stuck in this in between place. Stuck between puritan classicalists (is that a word), indie 'rockers', jazz cats, or anyone that enjoys fitting into their chosen genre. I am not a classical pianist/violinist/singer, although I do those things. I am not a jazz vocalist/guitar/piano soloist, although I do those things. I think of myself as predominantly a songwriter. A songwriter who sees her songs like paintings. Like conversations I can never quite muster up the guts to have. I write these songs to tell you how I really feel, or to help myself discover the deeper meaning behind things. Let's face it, I have no idea what's going on in life. I write a song and suddenly see my own faults, others compassion, etc. Some songs are like purging. I say those things I had been thinking, then I'm over it. The hard part is that the song is still there, but I might not see it the same way anymore.

I'm sure I will explore much more about songwriting and making music, and especially how motherhood comes into play. So far it seems like it's basically undone my artistic side, basically undone me. I hope I can bring myself back, or maybe find a new and improved self. We'll see.