Social scenes/Networking

I have basically given up any hope of having a successful performing career. Any attempt to 'get gigs/shows' has only resulted in my recoiling from the pressure of the scene. I don't mind meeting people or making friends. I DO mind the fact that that is ALL that music has become, or maybe ever was to most people. I am not intending to sound like some elitist that assumes I am better than others and don't 'need' them, but I don't believe the two are inherently linked.

In history think back to great artists. Many of them were antisocial and saw no recognition in their own time. Many of them died lonely and despondent. I neither think of myself as such an artist, nor do I want that future (or lack thereof) for myself. I desire satisfaction of some kind. At the same time I am afraid that satisfaction in life squanders the passion that fuels art. Maybe I really am a self saboteur, as I've been called. There is no winning. Of course there isn't!

Is it practical to spend the majority of your time and energy 'networking' (read:partying)? I would much rather sit at home alone playing and writing music, then on a semi-regular basis performing that music for people who appreciate it. Not for people who only appreciate fashion and live their lives in worship of the 'underground'. I always joke, 'Hey, I'm as underground as it gets!'.

I admit this is mostly a bitch fest. I work hard on my music and put a lot of thought into it. I just want it to be appreciated or at least noticed. Then again, I'd have to 'put myself out there' and succumb to the social networking black hole where no one wins and everyone is the next best thing...for 5 minutes. I just know it's not in me, and it never will be.

"on a beautiful day, in the finest of ways,
the most perfect dream can fail me.
and all my ideals
spill.

it's hopeless it seems, to bust at the seams
to build all your dreams
just to burn them.
when I haven't the smile
or strength to upload these lies.
it proves to me
exactly what I should be.

an unfinished ghost, who conquered the most
and undid the failures of lesser ghosts
he visited me, he answered my plea
he said "if anything's free, it's endeavor.
just don't forget the damages you'll inflict.
so shield your eyes
from the stars
the money
the guise."

Another link for my own sake.