Free Christmas Download

I have recorded a cover of my favorite Christmas song, River by Joni Mitchell. Feel free to download and share with your friends. Enjoy!

http://www.mediafire.com/?jcr127oxsbfj77o

I'm hoping this new year brings some progress. I have two shows in the works, one in January and one in February, and am planning on booking more after New Year's.

Winter has always put a strain on my already fragile voice. I was never a great singer by nature and I've had to work VERY hard to get to the place I'm at. I constantly struggle with my voice. It's finicky. I am trying to push myself and try new techniques, but with winter illness, dry weather, etc. it is very difficult. I guess with anyone it's a challenge to accept your voice, to embrace it's quirks and imperfections.

If you read this and want to hear what I'm up to, listen to my demos at - myspace.com/rachelanderson

and check out the band I play bass in - www.facebook.com/wearetangentarc

The 'What I'm Up To' post

I have a few projects in the works that could probably use some explanation. Of course I'm writing and recording demos for my own original songs right now. I have an awesome digital 8-track, but not much in the way of other recording equipment or recording knowledge. The extent of my knowledge is using an old tape 4-track. These songs are experiments. I'm trying to, well, try some new things, push myself, take risks. Write stuff I like and not over analyze it.

As I've mentioned before on this blog, I'm also setting some Robert Louis Stevenson poems from A Child's Garden of Verses to music. I have always loved many genres (rock, classical, some folk, jazz,etc.) and I am trying to tap into that with these new songs. They are turning out very traditional - or atleast as traditional as I get. I'm still experimenting with instrumentation and style, but overall it has been a very satisfying experience.

I am also playing bass in a band that I guess you could call 'indie rock'. I'll be the first to admit that I don't understand all the labels. I just know that I like this band and this music. It rocks, but it's also thoughtful, which is also my personal goal.

The last few months I've been rockin' out to John Lennon and the Plastic Ono Band. We got the tape at a yard sale and have almost worn it out in our minivan. Some of the songs are very aggressive and undoubtedly rock, but some are classic Lennon ballads. They explore themes of self actualization, facing one's past, etc. that John was dealing with in therapy at the time. I have always been drawn towards these themes in my own songs and this album has really inspired me to write about what I want to write about.

February on should bring about new shows featuring new material, and hopefully some CDs as well.

I always come full circle and return to this blog to say the things I can never say out loud.

I love music. I love art. I love beauty and the search for truth. I want to know myself. I want to learn how to truly love.

For me art is the path to self awareness. To understanding life or a higher being or whatever you want to call it.

So believing all this leaves me sad and confused. Are beauty and truth subjective as everyone in these post-post-post-post-post modern times alleges? My instinct and my fiercely idealistic youth has always been firmly rooted in the idea that truth and beauty were almost a being that exists outside of ourselves, but we can have this beauty within ourselves if we work for it. If we tear away the layers of selfishness and self importance we put upon ourselves.

But I guess no one wants that anymore. We all see ourselves as magnets, pulling others into our orbits. We see ourselves as movie stars walking around 'in character' until we are finally subsumed by pop culture and BECOME the character.

This brings me back to my first post here. Should art form us or do we form art? Has 'art' simply become imitation? Affectation? Attitude? We resent those artists whose art is the act of plunging deeper within ourselves, deeper into human nature. Those artists who passionately search humankind for beauty. Whose art is again, peeling away the lies. Sifting through the ugly to find the pearl within. Now art IS the ugly. But why? Nothing means anything. Nothing is sacred.

I am not in a video or a movie. I want to be real. I want real expression, uncultivated or not. Just REAL.

Today I started writing music to the poems of Robert Louis Stevenson. A Child's Garden of Verses.

My Kingdom

From Child's Garden of Verses

Down by a shining water well
I found a very little dell,
    No higher than my head.
The heather and the gorse about
In summer bloom were coming out,
    Some yellow and some red.

I called the little pool a sea;
The little hills were big to me;
    For I am very small.
I made a boat, I made a town,
I searched the caverns up and down,
    And named them one and all.

And all about was mine, I said,
The little sparrows overhead,
    The little minnows too.
This was the world and I was king;
For me the bees came by to sing,
    For me the swallows flew.

I played there were no deeper seas,
Nor any wider plains than these,
    Nor other kings than me.
At last I heard my mother call
Out from the house at evenfall,
    To call me home to tea.

And I must rise and leave my dell,
And leave my dimpled water well,
    And leave my heather blooms.
Alas! and as my home I neared,
How very big my nurse appeared.
    How great and cool the rooms!

Why is so much stock put in charisma? Isn't most charisma simply an act anyway? If you're scripting what you say, how is that charisma? Why do we believe that artists need persona's?

I used to feel bad because I don't have the right personality to go up on stage and wow everyone with my clever quips and deep explanations of songs, but in all truthfulness, I don't care. I have no desire to do those things. Do you ask a painter to come out and explain his painting? Is a poet expected to captivate everyone with his/her personality?

I understand that music is a performance art, but what are we performing? The music, right? We are all so accustomed to instant gratification that we can't wait 30 seconds between songs in silence.

There are no commercial breaks.

Sometimes I feel invisible. I am not in any cool clubs. I couldn't care less about fashion trends. I don't have any pop sensibilities.

I work hard to preserve my art by avoiding labels. So when someone says, "That's really good. I just don't like ____ music," I get a bit frustrated.

You can call it whatever you want, just come listen. You won't be kicked out of the cool kids club for comng to one of my shows. In fact, you might realize being an adult isn't so bad after all.

I haven't been writing here firstly because I'm busy, but also because I feel like I've been writing to flush out all my 'feelings' and not so much to talk about music.

But then I had the thought, is that not art? What is art if it isn't an expression of your experiences and emotions? Art is the language we use to explain the unexplainable. Without that behind your art/music what is your music? It is most likely fashion. Fashion or ego centric back patting. Or both.

I write about relationships, but rarely romantic ones. Or rarely successful romantic relationships anyway. I care about understanding interactions. What is love and how do we show it? Does it even exist if you're not expressing it? Does it only exist in the action?

I write about expectations, family, parents, siblings, etc. I write about vices. Disappointment. All of the real issues we struggle with everyday of our lives. Unfortunately I'm afraid that most people don't want to listen to music about it all. We want parties, fairy tales, sex, vague lyrics implying depth, and not much more. Art is not about escape.

This blog is suffering from the fact that I'm playing and writing music more than I'm writing here. That's a good thing.

When I haven't been sick I've been working on writing quite a bit. I am trying to write songs without thinking TOO much about it. I often worry, 'is this too bland?', 'is this too obvious?', 'is this too obscure sounding?'. I avoid certain chord progressions because it might sound too poppy, or too jazzy, or too SOMETHING. I am tired of worrying. I want to just write what I like and be honest. So that is what I am working on.

I craft the chords and melody until they sound good to ME. I'm sure many of my songs have similar 'vibes' but I think any songwriter deals with this. It's not necessarily a bad thing. These songs are reflections of me, I have no desire to make a well rounded album, only an honest one. I don't want to write the exact same song over and over again, but I don't think I am. Each song is taking it one step farther, one step deeper into myself.

My art will be more pure if I can break through these insecurities. I think.

This winter has been a winter of endless illness. One virus after another has kept me from making as much progress as I would have liked. Still overall, things are going pretty well. I still need more time to write/practice. I have 4 shows booked at this point, and more on the horizon I'm sure.

I am tempted to write a review of a show I went to last week. It was a woman who neither rocked hard nor did anything truly artistic, but the crowd was enraptured by her beauty and quirkiness. But it will inevitably turn into a complaining rant, so I'll just leave you with that teaser.

More to come...

Woe is (not) me.

The show went great. Now I'm onto new material.

Where do I want to go? I really want to rock more. I write ballads, sad songs, etc., but I also want to rock. I want to write something musically intriguing and totally 'groovin'. That is the tricky part, the more stuff you add the less it tends to rock. I have a handful (or more) rock songs I've written in the last 10 years, but most of them are dated. I am ready for something NEW. I have 2-3 songs I am sticking with that need a band. Drums, bass, another guitar possibly....but let's face it, it's SO much easier to practice by myself and perform by myself. The whole process of teaching someone my songs and the little voice in my head constantly saying, 'they probably hate this. Why am I so selfish that I expect other people to care about my songs?' etc. etc. I need to kill that voice. Who cares? I play with 3 other acts and I don't think that about them. I might not always love what they write, but I never think that it's a total waste of time. I like the challenge, I like contributing.

Telling myself each day, there is no time but now. Do what I want with this moment. So far giving up the self defeating mentality is working alright. I still think the world sucks, but refuse to be under it's thumb.

Saying Goodbye to Bitterness

I am making a commitment to not be bitter anymore. It is (and always has been) glaringly obvious that I blame my own failures or faults on the problems I see in the world around me. Don't get me wrong, there is alot wrong with the 'music world' including both local and national scenes, but I can no longer be held back by those problems.

I need to get back to the music and away from my anxiety.

I am playing tomorrow. There are 100 things going wrong in our lives right now, not terribly wrong, but wrong enough that the stress level is very high. This is going to be a big show. Hundreds of people will probably attend. In the past my anticipation would have fed my performance. I need to do that now. I'm very excited to be playing some never before heard tunes.

My goal is to be real, and simply do my best.

I've had the realization that my insecurities and over analytical nature have kept me from performing at my full potential. I used to walk out on stage and let it fly. I didn't hold back. All I had was the raw emotion. I didn't care so much about technique, pitch, vocal tone, etc. I was simply venting.

Now I stress about every detail. I stress about the fact that I haven't practiced. I might miss a note or forget a lyric. Unfortunately I do think that the lack of practice time has contributed to my lack of freedom during performances.

I am going to give up some of my old songs for awhile and concentrate on the new. I need fresh inspiration. I can't be singing a song I wrote at 18 and be putting my all into it.

So here's to new material and gutsy performance. Get ready.

One (wo)man's art is another's entertainment

It's the endless debate: is music art or entertainment...or both? Or neither? If yours is simply entertainment does it negate mine as art? Why is so much of music that is art ignored or shunned by society? Why doe people prefer to listen to something that is 'fun' or 'light hearted' or 'a neat story'? I suppose it has it's place, but why do we lump it all together and pit one against the other?

To me it is a bit like comparing crafts to painting. I knit, and even if I'm damn good at it I will never think it is somehow equal to an oil painting carefully crafted by someone who has studied and made art their life's work.

I am always hiding these feelings because it seems to offend everyone I meet. I am labeled an elitist. So wanting to KNOW WHAT I'M DOING and excel at it makes me an elitist? I also want to like what I hear and often times music is not 'fun' for me to listen to because it is flat and predictable. Is this my lack? Sometimes I think it is. How can I hold true to these feelings and thoughts when everywhere I turn I am a told I'm wrong for feeling this way?

I have so much self doubt. I am not lacking 'confidence' and I am not 'jealous' but I am frustrated and have little hope. I like the music I am making, I am for the most part satisfied with my own skills. I have worked very hard at what I love. Now what in the world do I do with it?

Played a show last night. Totally bombed thanks to a sore throat. There were a few good moments, but overall I left feeling pretty disappointed in myself.

The best song was the newest song I played. A song about a friend who died a few years ago after suffering from mental illness and a difficult life. I had thought the song was too strange, too 'out there' for people to get. But before I even finished the last note there was applause. I'm sure part of it was the fact that I put more into this song than the older songs, but something in it was understood.

I'll be playing the same venue again next month. Hopefully I'll be well and can really perform at my best. I have a few more new songs to try out. I think having the next show as a goal will inspire me to work on writing more.